My first novel is finished. I am incredibly relieved to have the manuscript done, but I know this is only the beginning. The next step is harder to take. So like many authors I have been procrastinating the act of searching for an agent. Nearly a year has gone by now since I finished my first draft. Admittedly, that early draft needed polishing. Thanks to a couple of good readers in the Ohio River Valley Sisters in Crime chapter, improvements have been made.
So what's holding me back now?
It isn't easy to let go of the manuscript. I have done all I can for my brain child, but it is still hard to hand it over to others who will make changes, maybe corrupt the plot, or turn my book into something different from what I have in mind. Part of me is afraid to send my baby out into the world to be judged and yes, possibly rejected by others. Part of me is deathly afraid that the book isn't ready to meet the world. In short, what's holding me back is me. My fears, my insecurities, my ego is getting in the way of my dream of being a novelist.
The result of this paralyzing fear is that I haven't posted to this blog or worked on other stories. Today I am trying to change that. One baby step at a time I am going to get back into my writing. That means I am going to be working on a query letter, and picking out agents to send it to. I refuse to let fear keep me from my dreams any longer.