Inside a Home for those with Failing Minds

 There are very few situations harder to cope with than dementia. It is heartbreaking at best. At worst ... there are no words for the nothingness. Dementia is the great abyss staring back at you through the eyes of a loved one. I think that may be why so many families don't visit their loved ones who are living with dementia. 

After nearly half a year of making daily visits to Sarah's mom, I know just how hard it can be to answer the same question a hundred times. I have had to deal with fits of anger and demands that I take her home. I have given her my phone number ten or twelve times a day only to have her call me and ask me to verify the number again. Yes, she uses the number I gave her to call me and ask for my number. The little frustrations are endless.

All I can do is encourage her to enjoy the moment, bring her little things to make life easier, and be there.  Being there is the most important part.  

Grace was quite aware of being in a memory care facility in Clearwater, Florida. She was telling me that this time last year she would never have believed that she would be in a place like this when the new year began. She would have thought we were crazy if we had suggested it. She is aware that her memory is failing. That awareness makes her position harder because she gave her son the power of attorney he used that power to put her in care and deny her friends access. 

She is 97 and she does need help. What she needs most is for him to be present and supportive. Instead, he makes her life harder and keeps her friends away. In the months I've known her, he has visited twice. Once to steal the phone her friends gave her, and once to attend the Christmas party the facility hosted for families. Her friends have hired an attorney to help her out of this situation.  I don't know how their efforts will turn out, but I hope she continues to be Kathy's friend.

Deloris and Grace have been good for her. There are half a dozen other women there who also befriend Kathy and help her. In fact, the residents help each other in many small ways. They are a small community of friends who often do not remember each other's names. Some don't remember which room is theirs or how to get there. They do remember kindness. I have also discovered that it is not just Kathy who looks forward to seeing me walk through the door each day.